You didn’t really think my adventure to Virginia ended at the pie party did you? Ha! Not even close. Have I ever told you how the Handsome Husband likes to text and/or call me about 10 times a day? Well, he does. So when he texted me YET AGAIN during JJ’s party… I ignored him. For like 2 hours. I was too busy eating pumpkin pie.
Then, as I pulled my phone out from my front pocket I noticed something odd. There were 3 text messages AND 2 phone calls I had missed. The funny thing is… The HH typically does not leave messages on my phone because I have been known to ignore messages for weeks at a time simply because I don’t know how to retrieve them. But 2 messages in one day? That.Was.Odd. Especially since one of them was from Mr. Hillbilly.
So, instead of retrieving the messages (because I don’t know how) I called the HH.
What are you doing?
I’M AT A PIE PARTY!!!
Are you having fun?
Yes. What are you doing (translation: please hurry up so I can get back to the party)?
Well, I just want you to know that everything is okay… the kids are fine… but I’ve had a little accident.
Uh huhhhhhh. ARE YOU OKAY?
You know those 3 trees in the backyard…
Well I was cutting them down and one went the wrong way and landed in the neighbor’s yard.
The new ones.
The tree broke the fence.
Did it hit their house?
Oh that’s no big deal… we’ll just fix it. Where are you?
At the hospital.
Why are you at the hospital?
Well, when I was cutting the limbs from the tree (that landed in the neighbor’s yard) I sort of cut my leg.
How did you get to the hospital?
Mr. Hillbilly took me.
Okay, do you still have a leg?
Yes. But the chainsaw hit my shin bone and now they are going to transport me to another hospital to operate.
Are you serious? Where are the kids?
By themselves? Where is Mr. Hillbilly?
And so on and so on…
At this point I know my husband is being taken care of and my neighbors are looking after my kids. There is nothing I can do from Virginia. So I tell the HH to call me in a little while with an update. Meanwhile, I write-up a few coupon posts, then proceed to hang out with JJ & Mr. Handsome in the living until it is time to go to bed (and YES, I would agree with you that it’s probably really strange I am able to compartmentalized such drama and carry on). I’m weird that way… okay?
Once upstairs, I noticed a NEW message on my cell phone. “Because a line on your account dialed 911, usage controls have been suspended on that line.”
Hmm. Now, I know I didn’t call 911… so it had to have been The Girl.
So Instead of calling The Girl… I call the HH.
Hello. Where is The Girl? Can I talk to her please? The HH hands her the phone.
Did you just call 911?
Because Mr. Hillbilly told me too.
WHY DID YOU CALL 911?
What I didn’t know was…
Luckily they did not have to transport him. The ER Doctors picked all the debris out of his leg, feed him a bunch of drugs, stitched him up and sent him home with Mr. Hillbilly.
Then, from what I understand, Mr. Hillbilly parked his truck, the HH limps out of the vehicle and proceeds to pass out. He did a face plant, knocking himself unconscious right in our driveway. His eyes roll back into his head, he stops breathing and Mr. Hillbilly yells for The Girl Who Thinks She’s A Bird to call 911. The HH finally comes to, his phone rings and then he hands his phone off to The Girl.
Dad fainted and the paramedics are on their way. Ya, he just fell. Where is Monkey Boy? He is inside. Let me talk to him. The Girl walks into the house. Then, as if on cue, Monkey boy passes out on the couch (note to self: passing out on a couch is much better than passing out on an aggregate driveway). Then The Girl (who is rather calm… and very matter of fact) says… Monkey Boy just fainted. (ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME?).
I hang up and call my other neighbor Chino The Handy Man.
Girly Girl answers the phone… I need to talk to Chino. Chino, yada yada yada run down to my house and take care of Monkey Boy. Mr. Hillbilly is taking care of the HH until the paramedics arrive… Hey, maybe you should bring back up in case something happens to The Girl (this is all happening around 1 am Virgina time).
Then as soon as I hang up with Chino… I see another text from yet another neighbor. Hey, there is an ambulance in your driveway… is everything okay?
To be continued…