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Step #2 Send out an email to your friends asking if anyone wants to walk a marathon with you. Although I did have one person say they would walk it with me, after a month or so they couldn’t fit time in for longer walks thus in the end it was just me on my own not knowing anyone in a crowd of 14k people trying to walk it all by myself.
Step # 3 Set a goal, like if I can finish this thing before they open the course to traffic (7hours) I will go to Panera for dinner. Because Panera is my favorite place in the world to eat even though I’ve only eaten there 5 times. However, if you know anyone who can arrange duel citizenship for me I’d like to move to Scotland because that truly is my favorite place in the whole world or Ireland I wouldn’t mind living there either.
Step #4 Using free hotel points, stay in a hotel just minutes from the starting line. Be sure and pack something for breakfast 1). That you like and 2). That will fill you up. I read online that you are supposed to eat at least 2 hours before you start a marathon. So I woke up at 4:45 and ate a peanut butter sandwich.
Step #5 Because you have nowhere to go for another 2 hours, pack your coat pockets with things you will need for the marathon walk. Like an extra pair of socks (that you won’t need) and cheap $1 gloves to keep your hands warm.
Step #6 Because you are super smart you will have laid out all possible clothing options the night before. I had 1 outfit in case of rain and another outfit: a track suit that makes me look like a dork.
Step #8 Get dressed and pose for super cheesy photo.
Step #9 Do you like bananas? If so eat a free banana. If you’re not in the mood for a banana then listen to your handsome husband tell you like 12 times that you really should eat a banana because “Have you ever seen the Tour De France? They are always eating bananas while riding their bikes. You REALLY SHOULD eat a banana.”
Step #10 Get to the starting line and have a stranger take your photo.
Step #12 Start walking…
Step #14 Word of advice: if you ever find yourself in a dark tunnel do not use the toilet in the dark tunnel. Because I did. And when I thought I was reaching for the toilet paper, instead I reached out my hand and it ended up in the urinal. Which I didn’t quite grasp the fact that it was a urinal until my hand was all wet. Oh and FYI the toilets/port a potties that they use at the Seattle marathon don’t come with hand sanitizer, but they do come with soap. Not the quiet the same. Oh and another thing no matter how many cups of water you use to pour over your hands you will not be able to get rid of the image that your hand is covered in pee. Ever.
Step #15 But hey you might see somebody famous like Elvis. He was in 5th place on the full marathon run when he passed me. Everybody was cheering for him. I loved that!
Step #17 You can get some great landscaping ideas when walking a marathon, like how to grow wisteria over the entire front of your house.
Step #18 Around mile 22 or so, when a guy with a blow horn yells your time, yell “Holy Crackers… are you kidding me?” and be sure and take a picture of your disbelief.
Step #20 Have your handsome husband take your picture next to a rusty old dumpster. I mean because really why would you want him to take one of you crossing the finish line when you can have this picture instead?
Step #21 Have your parents take you (and the rest of your family) out to your favorite restaurant for dinner. Then have your handsome husband pry you from the chair and carry you to the car because you cannot move/ walk/bend your legs.
Step #22 Go home and write about it so you don’t forget what an awesome day you had. 1). You just walked 26.2 miles (plus another mile to the car after the race) 2). You never once during the whole race had any negative emotions. Well except for at mile 21 when you had to walk up a very steep hill and you said to the guy next to you, “I think this is the part that sucks,” and he replied “The whole thing sucks.” Which made you laugh and gave you more energy to keep going.
Step #23 Be grateful for the positive experience and that you finished in 5hrs 25min. And say to your mother as you are leaving the race, “Next year I think I’m gonna try to run it.”
Step 1. Have a mother who sees a party hat in a “little shop” while visiting Florida who then decides to buy said hat for her daughter, not because her daughter will necessarily wear the hat with the tacky margarita print and red feathers, but because her daughter will take apart the $40 hat, then lie to her mother about taking apart the hat (how else am I suppose to figure it out?) and then proceed to make party hats for every stinkin family member, friend, and/or anyone requiring a hat who is having a birthday/baby/hernia operation in the year 2009.
Step 4. Place “fabric template” piece on suitable cotton fabric and cut out the fabric.
Go outside and say hello to the chickens. Wonder if they are getting too plump and think to yourself, hmm, maybe I should make some chicken pot pies instead of having to go outside and collect eggs all winter long. Get distracted for 6 hours then come back inside and continue working on party hat.
Step 9. Hot glue some sort of ribbon to the inside of the party hat to cover up ugly staples and to prevent staples from cutting future party hat wearer. Because nobody wants to have blood dripping down their face while they are blowing out their candles or have to go to the ER mid party for a tetanus shot. Unless of course you are giving this hat to a hernia patient who is already in the ER and they look like they might enjoy a tetanus shot, then by all means don’t cover the staples.
Step 10. Hot glue a feather boa around the base of the party hat.
Step 12. Ask yourself do I want to make this person a matching party horn to go with this hat? If you do, why then add a little more feather boa to said party horn.
Now how easy was that?
So all night I was watching the bathroom door for someone to come out with a glow in the dark neon bracelet or chewing gum or deodorant, but no luck. HOWEVER my strategically placed note was quite a bit disheveled when I went in halfway through the party to see if anything was missing yet. And let’s just say I have it narrowed down to 2 people who shall remain anonymous. I’m seriously thinking about rigging the drawer with a flash alarm outside the bathroom door for next time around. Okay, so I’ll admit it. I have snooped before. The last time (I think) was about 10 years ago at a relatives house. For some reason the handsome husband and I were talking in the bathroom (door open) and she came in and said she needed to grab some q-tips. I ACTUALLY OPENED THE CORRECT DRAWER FOR HER. Talk about awkward. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why we’ve never been invited back.